One month out . .

It's been a little over one month. some days it seems like more, others, less. last week was ROUGH. it seemed we were all fragile: irritable, angry, quick to cry. this week has been better. the girls are off school, but so far have been kept pretty busy. we went to counseling on monday together. kay was NOT happy about it. but i'm really proud of her -- she went, and she tried. i don't think she'll go back, but she tried. erin wants to go back . .

wednesday was actually a wonderful day. we went to NYC with the drama club to see Shrek on broadway -- we really enjoyed ourselves, all together. (and i saw john goodman!)

laying in bed the other night -- i was thinking again of things to be thankful for, but specifically, things i was thankful to bud for.

1. the gift of his love for me. i know that sounds totally hokey -- but trully -- he so loved me. it was unconditional. bud's love was the epitome of loyalty, honesty, and acceptance. he loved every stinking flaw that i have (and there are many!) -- i never really understood why he loved me the way he did . . but i am grateful for it. he always told me 'he loved me more". i hope that's not true - i pray he knew that i loved him just as much!

2. the obvious gift, our beautiful girls. bud would have been fine not having kids. but, he wanted to give me the family i wanted. he fell in love with his girls. he was so happy they were girls! they had him wrapped around their fingers. he was so proud of every little thing they did.

3. the not so obvious : my in-laws. I know, many people think - really? well, bud gave me a family that is unbelievable. brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews who love me as a sister and daughter. a 'nana' who has made my girls her grandchildren in every sense of that relationship. coming from a small family, marrying into a family of eleven siblings, was more than a little overwhelming. but i always felt included and loved. i love and appreciate my own family, but it is my husband's family who gets me through each day with daily phone calls, chores around the house, and so many other things i can't even list.