exhaustion: june 10, 2009

God, I am tired. please give me the strength i need to wake up tomorrow, and get done the things that need to get done. amen


its been a strenuous week. i feel like i've been a bit testy with the girls too. yesterday, i met with the financial planner (thank god we've known him for 15+ years), and fortunately, things look not worrisome in that area. but i think i signed my name 100 times. and of course now i have to make sure i have a will done soon, b/c if something happens to me - and now we all know that could actually happen -- i need to have things lined up for the kids. for now, i am grateful, that we planned well enough that no big decisions need to be made in the next few months.

next appointment: tuesday afternoon : initial intake meeting with the counselor at the Loss and Bereavement Center in Skippack. I've heard so many good things about this place, and the services it provides. I was not disappointed -- but it was a painful hour. worth it, but painful. basically had to retell (and relive) may 16th. i connected with our therapist easily and am relieved about that. the girls and I go back together next monday -- oh yeah, except kay is refusing to go. do i make her? i'm trying to talk her into just going this one session, and then she doesn't have to back until she wants to. we'll see, maybe she'll warm to the idea.

on the lighter side, i can proudly say i have trapped and disposed of three mice now by myself (never thought I would need to do that!) . An end-of-the-year picnic for kay's girl scout troop brought me together with seven wonderful families that my children have grown up with . . and seven moms who wrap me in the arms and want to take care of me. it helps so much -- i truly can't express how much. the dads are great too, don't get me wrong, but there's nothing like a woman's motherly coddling to make you feel safe and reassured.

i am starting to get sick of people asking 'are you okay?' and 'how are you doing?' Believe me when i say that it does not make me angry, and i actually appreciate the concern, but really, what am i suppose to say? i would not want people to stop asking, b/c that would probably be the day that i need to talk . . i guess we just continue to appreciate the thought behind the questions.

exhausted now, need to get to bed . . .