i think i need to focus for a bit on what i'm thankful for, b/c my life is filled with blessings, but before i do that, i wanted to make some observations. i sat in church this morning, with my friends, and was surrounded by familiar and unfamiliar families. what's interesting is that church is not something bud and i did together. it was "my thing" with the girls. sure, he would come on holidays, or when they performed, but it wasn't a weekly thing.
so, i'm sitting in church and i'm noticing couples interacting, and i'm achingly missing a gentle arm around my waist, or leaning into bud's shoulder. its not the big things i'm finding out, its the little things -- the things that you didn't even necessarily realize were there til they were gone. another funny thing: i remember years ago when we had just our first daughter. i remember also looking around church at the families, and deciding that we needed to try for another child -- its how i pictured my family. everyone pictures their family in the future -- some just a couple, some one child, some four. i pictured a mom, a dad, and two children. I never pictured i'd be sitting here without the dad -- the picture seems incomplete.
well, that allowed me to shed a few tears . . i'm waiting for some serious mourning to set in at some point . . so, let's jump ahead to the blessings . .
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