it is approximately 36 hours til vacation ! what a mixed bag of emotions! we have literally been counting down the days for the last 100 days. the problem is, bud was here for the first thirty days of the countdown, but has missed the rest. as i type this, i realize it has been exactly two months since his death. wow.
i approach this vacation with deep trepidation. i'm almost scared to arrive in dewey. it was such a tradition for us, as a couple and a family. bud and i spent many summers there before the kids came, and it is where i first met patty and craig, and really got to know bobby, dani, and mary. tradition #1: arrival early and lunch at the rusty rudder -- i think i will probably cry as i walk out onto the deck. it was such a powerful feeling of arriving there together and looking forward to the week.
tradition #2: greaseband monday night at the bottle and cork. to go or not to go? its a couples thing. its been the one night a year that i "let loose" and bud would take care of me. so, do i go and celebrate his memory and have a shot for him, or do i stay back ? don't know the answer to that yet.
tradition #3: taking the girls in the ocean. i'm a huge beach fan, but only a lukewarm ocean fan. daddy was the one who took them in the waves. hopefully, the uncles will fill this void for them
and all the others . . .
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
easier with time?
well, its true, it does get worse before it gets better. i thought i was doing so well, being strong, getting things done, etc. it's been a rough last week.
firstly, i have become the most scatterbrained person i know. i've lost my keys four times in four days. i can't find papers that i KNOW i put in certain folders. i went to the beach for two days, and didn't pack any underwear. Losing my mind? possibly . .
interesting experience last week. a very good friend's father died and an open house was held at her home. i knew no-one but the immediate family, but felt the girls and i should be there to support our friends. upon my arrival, anne's mother greeted me with a hug and "I guess we have something in common now". now, isn't that interesting? this 78 yr old woman and i have practically nothing in common (accept for anne), and now we are part of the widow's club. i just can't wrap my head around that. really? you're 78, and have teenage and older grandchildren; I'm 43 (as of sat) and have pre-teens living at home. but yes, you're right, we now have this deeply important fact in common -- we have both lost our husbands. we are both widows. we are both somewhat alone, despite all the people surrounding us with love.
i pretty much hung out with the kids most of the day (i think i was avoiding having to chit-chat with strangers). later in the day (I thought i had escaped w/out any major conversing), an older woman approached me and asked "hello, are you the woman who recently lost her husband?"
ME: well, yes, that's me!
Nice older lady to husband: "joe, come here and meet sue, she's the woman who just lost her husband"
are you KIDDING me??? this fact now defines me? i'm not trying to sound offended or angry, b/c this lady really was being kind, and wanted to offer information about a grief support group where she works in an effort to be helpful. but do you really walk up to someone you've never met, bring up this subject, and offere counseling? i guess people do, and i guess i better get used to it.
and just when you think things can't get any worse .....
the dog peed on our cable box and DVD player! yes, that's what I said. he lifted his leg and let loose. no, it did not work. no, it did not dry out and work later. luckily , the cable box was replaced without charge . . the dvd player is a wash.
FLIP SIDE: let's add to the list of blessings:
-- debbie and melissa: who helped me celebrate my birthday and prayed with me for comfort
-- patty and company: who continue to support me before i can even ask for what i need
-- my girls of course, who were determined to make my birthday special: presents, breakfast in bed, and a movie (although i would have preferred a day curled in a ball in bed)
firstly, i have become the most scatterbrained person i know. i've lost my keys four times in four days. i can't find papers that i KNOW i put in certain folders. i went to the beach for two days, and didn't pack any underwear. Losing my mind? possibly . .
interesting experience last week. a very good friend's father died and an open house was held at her home. i knew no-one but the immediate family, but felt the girls and i should be there to support our friends. upon my arrival, anne's mother greeted me with a hug and "I guess we have something in common now". now, isn't that interesting? this 78 yr old woman and i have practically nothing in common (accept for anne), and now we are part of the widow's club. i just can't wrap my head around that. really? you're 78, and have teenage and older grandchildren; I'm 43 (as of sat) and have pre-teens living at home. but yes, you're right, we now have this deeply important fact in common -- we have both lost our husbands. we are both widows. we are both somewhat alone, despite all the people surrounding us with love.
i pretty much hung out with the kids most of the day (i think i was avoiding having to chit-chat with strangers). later in the day (I thought i had escaped w/out any major conversing), an older woman approached me and asked "hello, are you the woman who recently lost her husband?"
ME: well, yes, that's me!
Nice older lady to husband: "joe, come here and meet sue, she's the woman who just lost her husband"
are you KIDDING me??? this fact now defines me? i'm not trying to sound offended or angry, b/c this lady really was being kind, and wanted to offer information about a grief support group where she works in an effort to be helpful. but do you really walk up to someone you've never met, bring up this subject, and offere counseling? i guess people do, and i guess i better get used to it.
and just when you think things can't get any worse .....
the dog peed on our cable box and DVD player! yes, that's what I said. he lifted his leg and let loose. no, it did not work. no, it did not dry out and work later. luckily , the cable box was replaced without charge . . the dvd player is a wash.
FLIP SIDE: let's add to the list of blessings:
-- debbie and melissa: who helped me celebrate my birthday and prayed with me for comfort
-- patty and company: who continue to support me before i can even ask for what i need
-- my girls of course, who were determined to make my birthday special: presents, breakfast in bed, and a movie (although i would have preferred a day curled in a ball in bed)
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